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pointless entries of wasted time.
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| truthtruth |
[28 Oct 2004|01:22am] |
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mood |
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 pissed off |
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music |
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the killers |
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Things i fucking hate....
when people cant tell you things to your face.
an assume everything or acuse..
the thing i fucking hate the most..
being more motivated than some of the dearest people to me ... to try and start a life of some sort. seems like everyone is trying too hard to be a kid and not accepting responsibilities... time and time again.
i dont think the story gets old ... i think it just becomes longer and longer.
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| a lot of things have happened |
[28 Oct 2004|12:48am] |
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mood |
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 devious |
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| [ |
music |
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i bought the killers CD |
] |
it dosnt feel like there is an age difference... it feels so awesome. but it, whatever it is has to stay a secret. i have to keep him at the back of my mind. but his body is smokin... jk. no really it is. and he wears burberry colonge... or however u spell that word.
YUM.
anyways. Tariq called me tonight. finally a week later. but... i missed his call, but he left a message. i tried to call him back.. but i got voicemail.
oh.. the story on him..
he super cute and like 22, a bit taller than me his ears stick out a little.. but his eyes are so beautiful.. he always comes into lifetime to workout. sometimes twice a day... he's probably like the nicest guy ive ever met. he's like some sort of middle easternish? i dunno... but then he kinda dosnt look like it.. he seriously reminds me of a guy youd see on like some war movie.. with like clean cut short hair.. and all americanish... i dunno. im totally smitten on him.. and he's not all like yo girl... whats up... he's like.. hi kelli how are you tonight.... hahaha... awww.. cute.
anyways... he wants to go out next week. im down.. he drives a denali.
oh. onto something else...
monday was fun at work hung out with olga all day.. then i ate lunch with "him"... then he asked olga and i to watch monday night football at tonys. olga had tons of homework so i went over to his apt in R Hills... cut the story short i had so much fun...
played hole in one. shot to shot.
got super drunk. went to tonys hung out with some people.. watched football... drank beer... haha... olga came over.. got lost in the parking lot... jason and i left.. i dont remember leaving... went back to his apt. which by the way i have to say probably the nicest and biggest apartments ive ever seen in my life. played puttputt... then lit some candles...
i woke up to an alarm jay set after he left for work, a coule hours after we fell asleep. (5am)
i went into work (12pm)...
awkward?
no....
funny?
very..
why? because i saw him all day and for the first time i could watch someone walk by the counter and actually see through their clothes.
ive always wanted a personal trainer...
hmmmm.
:)
yeah so i either need to find another job and a new apartment around R Hills.. or move back home and miss everyone like crazy, but get serious about school.. i can be graduated by april 2006... ill be 22.
i need to make up my mind quick.
fuck my roommate. cunt.
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| tonights workout |
[10 Oct 2004|09:33pm] |
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mood |
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 exhausted |
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once again... or thrice again?
hahaha... another night i worked out for a loooooong time.
i love working out i honestly think im addicted to it.
i get so much anger and frustration out..
but today while i was running, finishing up my workout...
my hands started to get numb and i couldnt close them..
then i started to shake a little.. i couldnt close my hands..
i got kinda freaked out.?.
anyways.. as i was finishing the treadmill?
a person was walking up from the corner in the corner of my eye.
i had a feeling who it was. and i was soooo right.
god it was so good seeing him. he's honestly so hot... ive known him for 5 years.
just thinking how we've been so on and off for 5 years and how we used to know so much about each other.
and how he was there before anyone was.. or at least anyone i still know.
him and i were suposed to see each other today. we've had plans since monday to go out and get dinner and catch up.. but he's stunt driving in some mmovie or something so he was super busy all day then he called me at 9...
but... i was already at the gym... and he knew it so he came up there.
to think we've had crushes on each other since the day we met and i didnt give him my phone number and he searched high and low and went through so many people to get it.... till now... i have never even kissed him...
i never really thought abotu it until our... eyes... met? today.... i know it sounds lame, but you know how that happens?
maybe you dont...
but it was weird.
i know he said he'll call me tomorrow... maybe we'll make plans for this future week.. but honestly..
the thought of kissing him will be in my mind now. this will deffinetly take a long time and need to be built up to.
but i hope some day we'll kiss.
right now it just sounds so weird to even say this...
hahaha.... maybe its because we've been so on and off..
or maybe its because we always said no matter what one day we'll end up marrying each other...
or maybe its because he was the first guy to ever call me babe and I HATED IT !!!
hahaha... either way... im deffinetly glad i still got to see him today.
and im deffinetly glad he said ...
"weimer... its been a looooong time... you look good... been working out? deffiently can tell... been tanning? deffinetly can tell..."
just kidding... what he really said was...
"weimer... it's been too long... you look good babe"
GRRRR !!!
sometimes things happen and dont happen for certain reasons.
we'll see time should only tell.
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| last night |
[09 Oct 2004|12:40pm] |
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mood |
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 quixotic |
] |
i think its safe to say i am officially addicted to working out. i fucking love it. last night 2.5 hours were spent at the gym... i did an hour and fortyfive minutes cardio and the rest of the time on weight machines... i then proceeded? to tan. i love friday nights at my fitness club... i get to analyze albums on my ipod that i thought id never give a chance... i get out all of my anger and frustration and use it as fuel... the more i think about how much certain things and people suck the more i lift... the faster i run, peddle and row.
last nights workout was probably the best ive ever had... ive never sweat more in my life.
this evening =
* workingout 2.5 hours
* tanning 10 mins
* hanging out with zack & partying it up in st. clare shores
FUCK anyone who reads this.. youre fat and lazy..
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| yesterday i tried my hardest to remember him. |
[08 Oct 2004|03:39pm] |
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mood |
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 envious |
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all the shit talking and stupidness aside...
yesterday i drove down the road trying to remember what it was like driving with him.. and sitting next to him.
i couldnt.. i couldnt even remember his smile. its like everything is gone..
i hate it.. because i know i miss him.. i feel it.
for the past weeks ive been fine and happy.. and making plans and acting on my life...
ive been involved with being univolved about thoughts with him in them... but a couple days ago..
i think the 5th is when he came back... back into my head... as blank as a sheet of paper...
it was only a thought about him as if he were a guy i saw on the street just passing by...
i dont remember his kisses or hugs... i honestly wish i could...
i guess its just a thing of the past.
sometimes... you go on with your life and forget about things...
when you least expect it..
little things remind you of your past.
i guess he's just someone that i used to know.
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| you would never expect us two in a room alone... |
[21 Sep 2004|02:57pm] |
last night i hung out with someone.
someone you all probably know, but would never put us two together...
youve probably seen his band or been to a party he was at...
ill never tell... : )
last night was just so awesome.
we sat and talked for hours about music and stuff.
just stuff... it was so cool.
at first when i met him i wasnt interested at all. he was just kind of an annoyance? sp?
hahaha... he called and i'd never answer. and so on. but i decided to finally hang out with him and im so glad i did.
he did an amazing thing for me. so fucking cool. i dont know anyone that would do something of the sort for me... well at least the first time we hung out.
he's very cool. im just going to have fun with this.. thats it JUST FUN !!!! WHOOOOOO HOOOO!!!! a friend is coming over tonight to stay with me.
(insert evil seductive laugh here)
muwahahahahaha ! !! ! ! ! ! !
kellibang goes BANG BANG
(hint hint)
<3
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| hahahah... this is funny |
[19 Sep 2004|02:38pm] |
oxokellibangxox: yeah... id unno if i should take a shower... or just watch amelie
alpo 230: hmm
alpo 230: drag your TV to your bathroom door
alpo 230: and do both
oxokellibangxox: hahahahhahahahah
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| they say... only the strong pull through |
[19 Sep 2004|11:11am] |
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mood |
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 disappointed |
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music |
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ill be your crying shoulder... |
] |
well this morning i wake up only to find out more amazingly heartbreaking news. im honestly really starting to see who people truly are.
im just so fucking pissed. like i honestly have so much anger and hate in my body. im unsure if its safe to feel like this. i need to work out. thats my only answer. thats the best way to relieve this tension.
i guess im back to where i was the first time i was alone. after my first break up.
it's like this feeling of never wanting to be around anyone. i went to the gym on friday and saturday nights. i drove around at night just because i didnt want to sit in my room alone.
its just this heavy weight that sits on your shoulders. no one is worth knowing anymore.... you seperate yourself from everyone you knew... and you just become this living mass.. breathing and thinking... waiting to die..
yet in that time.. you are doing things for yourself... but its ALL production. no fun time. its a time when you stop laughing and its a time where another person seems like a totally different species...
i hate that i let myself open up and i let a lot of gaurd down.
to only find out that i never meant anything to anyone. yeah i have friends who care about me and ive got people in my life thatd do anything for me... yet... i know that when someone comes into my life... i end up feeling so much more for them than they do for me...
here's what ive noticed...
i have met a lot of guys between relationships, in relationships and so on.... its only the really really captivating ones that i let stay... stay in me... the ones i keep questioning myself about.... then they leave.. and i realize that theyre so special. i hate this...
sitting here in tears is the only thing i can do. i just really fucking miss one person. ONE person. i miss the one person who i hate the most. i hate this person so much because they wont leave my head, and because this person took the lowest way out. this person thinks of himself as some high god... some statue some king.... yet he's probably lower than most ive ever met.
a friend mentioned to me on the phone last night... that im a trophy. for any guy. i think thats really funny... and im kind of glad she said it.
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| i know it... |
[17 Sep 2004|10:21am] |
i am in love. i am in with love... love is in with me.
tangled in kisses and hugs...
i love him. ive missed him for too long.
<3
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| the end |
[08 Sep 2004|06:44pm] |
to every begining....
eventually theres an end.
i think mine has come. i feel nothing. practically a month has gone by and i feel more numb each day. i stopped taking my medicine in hopes of coming out of this strong and alone... yet.... this is where i am.
i cant describe the way i feel. i have hurt in my chest every night... even with people around even with other bodies touching mine.. his face comes into my mind and i see his eyes. i pretend its him holding me and kissing me. i awake to the most vivid dreams of him and i together.
each day i have started to hate myself more and more.
why didnt i do the things i really wanted. why didnt i open up to him. why did i let all of the things that bothered me come out to him.
i could only imagine what hes doing now... who he talks to and the things they do.
i hate that im head over heels with a person that wont even talk to me anymore. thats the worst part.
i never did anything with brad. eveything that you heard everything that you think i did...
you... the only one guy ive ever been loyal to.
who when i told i loved. i meant every word.
every word.
i cant even look at another guy the same. i cant even think about touching another guy without feeling ill.
i miss you so much...
this is the end. no more journals. no more of this.
tonight i'll see you for the last time. you probably wont even look me directly in the eyes.
i hate my life and everything that this has become.
im nothing but a walking zombie. a lifeless body.
goodnight.
signing off...
kelliann
the end...
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| wow is what ive got to say |
[05 Sep 2004|11:06am] |
jumped into the car around 1130... i headed out of royal oak with a kid i met on a limb and a bunch of his scary indie rock friends. we were the crew last night... one short guy button up ben sherman shirt tight jeans and some okay shoes.. and a laugh that could eventually drive a sane person up one wall and down another... anyways... back to the description of the crew... two short girls one brunette one blonde? short bangs scraggly hair... scratchy voices and roughed up 8o's boots. studded belts of course. another guy very tall this time with a matching name of the first guy: jeffery. this second guy though deffinetly looked like a cracked out raver minus baggy clothes and stupid gross necklaces. this homeboy had on a tank top (quite snug) with all of his rico chest hair poking out... and half a drawn on curled mustache in blue eyeliner. he had a top hat on and one long womens evening glove... left hand i believe...concluding the description of the crew with me: bangs in full force okay jeans just brushed teeth green toenails smelled nice.
needless to say i really had no place with this misplaced time warped crew/gang... they called themselves the sharks because they tag all over detroit... one kid spins and the other ones dont have jobs and drive shit cars.
enough hoeing out the crew though and onto the evening... before approaching 696 towards St.Clair shores we stop at the fine liqour/liquor? store... round up some cash in the parking lot and jeff walks in... twelve minutes later he carries out two bags.. full of tonights happiness...
skip the drive and the dudebro's who fingered us on the way to the party in their white mustang and normal guy haircuts...
to the party.. some thomas guys house of course?
if i wore a skirt i probably would have fit in a little more. you know because we had all of those girls... you know the ones.. from myspace.. from the magicstick... everyone has dated them.. everyone knows who everyone else has fucked... ehhh... hardcore indie rock scene for sure.
all the guys from the famous band rescue were there chatted with alfred... and that one singer guy.. lameass..
everyone was super drunk.
and we were all outside with no lights... so it was pretty much drunken night vision...
talking to this one boy kenny trying to avoid the crew i came with..
because obviously all theyre doing is talking about music and what happened to good music between 87-91... shit there was some good jams.. during that time. i argued... no one listened. so we're fighting over michael jackson songs and i bump someone behind me...
i turn around to this okay looking guy. i automatically assumed he was that guy... he looked the part. you know the guy who mixes half orange juice and half vodka.. the guy who wears a button down and sandals and his hair is way to long and trendy.. ugh... but he was fun to fuck with. i met all of his friends... his name was really chris.. then i met... zack... greg... blair...
zack was by far the coolest...
needless to say since i didnt drive to this party and the guy that was driving us was super fucking wasted and the girls were homeless looking i decided to go leave with these kids... we were heading over to gregs house to jam...
on the way there... we're in zacks car.. me chris and zack... we stop at tacobell... then head to gregs...
i could end this journal right here and leave you guessing what happened from there. if youre smart youd figure i just had this awesome foursome with some hot dudes...
but you should be stupid because i have never had more fun hanging out until 5am talking about music with four guys... who not once hit on me... none of them. well sure you had the youre so pretty's and dosnt she remind you of... but, it felt so nice to get away from that party where the guys i came with were telling me how much they wanted to fuck me.
im sorry i said.. im just not able to produce any sort of sexual feelings towards another person, believe me ive tried. im in love and nothing can break that.
but these dudes totally respected me. and this morning when zack drove me home i wasnt sure if i really wanted to see them again. last night they told me i was the most chill girl theyd ever met. and i had a whitty comeback for EVERYTHING. thats right i guess i learned from the best. ;)
but anyways... i had an experience last night for sure. im unsure however..... if ill ever want to experience that sort of thing again.
indie rocker kids are so weird.
plus i miss... well... thats dosnt matter.
thanks for listening to my saturday night.. on this fine labor day weekend. tune in tomorrow to hear about my amazing gut feeling. these next couple of days are going to be the best. wish me luck for these awesome jobs.. kiss kiss.
bang bang.......................................................
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| : ) |
[04 Sep 2004|07:43pm] |
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mood |
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 excited |
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music |
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thrice |
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im not sure if its safe to say...
but i dont know if i like the person ive become.
i like to be by myself a lot.
i like to sit on my front porch and watch cars drive by.
i like to call people just to say hi.
i dont really miss yesterday.
or the day before.
i only miss a couple of things once and awhile...
but.. i fill the missing them part back up with memories i have stored.
maybe i do like who ive become.
im more intact.
im more aware of what i want to do.
i just kind of want someone to focus on.
someone to get to know.
you know...
like really know.
know everything about that one person.
even if its not a relationship.
its not like i need someone to comapre myself to.
maybe just a little friendly competition.
i want to meet a match.
a perfect stranger and let them evolve into a known.
a known person by me.
and me a perfectly know person by them.
i really cant wait for these next couple days to pass.
just to be in a presence of you.
the last time at the end...
was full of tears.
this time at the end
it will be full of goodbyes until the next time's..
there has to be more next times than there are now. i cant fully be erased from your mind. well.. maybe that is a good thing. maybe i could come back. as something different. different from before. a semi-changed being. not something more than friends.. not even friends.. something thats just nice. sincere. stable.
not much time has passed.
but time has passed. days seem like months. and emotions and feelings fade. its only a sense of caring that stays around and haunts you...
when you care for a person you want them to be happy. you dont want them to be unhappy in anyway. if youre at most happy when not around in person or in thought... than so be it.
but on my side of the string i will try to pull it closer.
we can be close but far apart. if i told you that i wanted you in my life. anyway... i can have you. you'd tell me youd be here... when the time was right.
times up.
??????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????
-sorry to whoever reads my journal...
i had to ramble my thoughts. this is my therapy.
my only signature of self worth?
i do not feel sorry for myself anymore. because feelings of sorrow only get you nowhere.
feelings of being a human machine... with no love or lust get you everywhere. when money controls your life you'll stop nowhere... not even at me.
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[02 Sep 2004|11:13am] |
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mood |
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 impressed |
] |
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music |
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bayside |
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so...
yesterday...
went home from work. did a bunch of dishes (not mine).
made a spactacular? concoction of french style greenbeans and noodles.. yum.
on the way home...
ryan called and we talked. we agreed to have band practice on friday.. then get food. yum.
he's my new friend.. no!
my bandmate.
ummm... also...
i met up with jason last night. he came over and we went for the longest walk ever recorded! haha. we kept walking into spider webs. it was dark and a nice temperature outside. it was supercool because we talked about the craziest things...
what is the last thing you would say before you die?
we both agreed it'd be:
"jesus... i do believe!"
hahahaha... anyways. we walked to the park and swung on swings then to the gas station where i got free blue jolly ranchers... yum. then back to my house. we sat on the porch for a couple hours and we talked and talked and talked. it was super cool.
i dont really notice that he's older.
weird... i dunno.
he actually does... what i eventually want to go to school for.. weird...
anyways. i had fun and blah blah.
all in all:
jasons a pretty hip guy. i could do without the vegan part... but he had super cool shoes and talked about the funniest shit.
well either way... ive got a new friend im excited to hang out with again.
today:::
ive got nothing planned. ugh. i think im just going to chill by myself tonight because i have to catch up on somethings...
i need to finish painting my dresser and i could really use some free time to call a couple people i havent really talked to in awhile.
either way...
this weekend isnt full yet with plans..
but...
i got a tip to go to this really hip store and apply so i think i'll do that. also i need to take back some apps.
i talked to a lady from estee lauder?
the other day...
about doing some promotional work for them. they train you and you learn hygeine? and stuff... so she gave my name and number to the Estee Reps.
i also talked to someone from Chanel and she gave me all the information to talk to the AE's. so im going to email them and talk about promotion work for events.. thats one small way to get into the 'industry' i guess thats the hard way....
but...
im pretty interested in it...
but whatever, this is my update.. later babes.
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[01 Sep 2004|01:12pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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 bouncy |
] |
| [ |
music |
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mmmmmmmm BOP ! |
] |
EVERYTHING HAS BEEN FUN.
searched for jobs yesterday.
applied at pronto cafe..
YAY !!!
and express.
hung out with ross last night.
superfun. sept... i fell asleep in the movie i have been kinda worn out lately. but me and ross got some good talking time in. about... stuff. it was cool. he lives right down the street. deff takin him to bangkok to make up for fallin asleep on him.<3
oopps.
anyways im meeting up with jason today he has band practice in Ferndale and we're going to go for coffee or something around 7pm. im excited. hes really nice and pretty interesting so far.
jfish and kelli nights are on mondays now... so i cant make plans with anyone else. nope nope.
today after work... going in search of a job again. and then returning applications. Gap at somerset is hiring.. i dunno. i got reffered there. but whatev. we'll se what happens with these other ones first.
ummmm... what else???
oh... my eyebrows are outta control. deff making app. for next week.
ummm... we get a long weekend this week so im super stoked.
uhh...
martini? bar on sunday night. $2 martini's. sip sip...
time has just been so good to me lately.
plus my skin is radiant. i love this BC!!!
yeah... so theres my update for last night and today. peace out hommies.
<3
kelli.
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| last night |
[31 Aug 2004|07:47pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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 crushed |
] |
| [ |
music |
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i miss you... COLDPLAY |
] |
last night
justin came over at 9pm
we went to 7eleven at 10pm
drank foriegn? beer
watched MTV
went upstairs
listened to denali
fell asleep
nice slumber party
woke up this morn felt ill to my tum
call my work
told them i could not come
looked for new jobs today
express, AE, national, makeup counter (promotional work)
super stoked.
i cant wait to go to school.
oh yeah i made a new friend. hes pretty cool. he lives in ann arbor and he's 25. he just moved back here from NYC. his name is jason. he has brown hair and he's pretty tall. nice guy. ! :)
<3
kellibang.
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| oh yeah |
[30 Aug 2004|02:13pm] |
hahaha...
im going to be a pussycat doll for halloween too.
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| this weekend |
[30 Aug 2004|01:27pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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happy |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
cursive |
] |
friday... bored at work
called kel
made plans
went to canada
walked around
randomly hit on
ugly guys with shitty hair
went to the loop
met bob chene (hot canadian)
talked and drank with bob for 3.5 hrs
did red headed slut
kellies house 330am
saturday
hang over
guitar
talked on phone laid in bed
went to mall
got hot pants
ate honey chicken over white rice
went to kels
drove to canada
hung out
went to loop
fat ugly goth chick night
left
almost met the guy of my dreams
got detoured followed a cop
he watched me walk away
:.(
went to kel
sunday
woke up
hang over
kel drove me home
laid down
brad came over
went to mall
got a tea
felt a little dizzy
got all weird
went home
drove to rents house
did laundry
wished i lived at home
drove to staceys
watched VMA's
ate aome suckers
laughed about the thriller dance
talked to jake
felt sad
got over it
went home
fell asleep to elliot smith
woke up today
late for work
runnin on E
justin coming over tonight?
i hope i miss my jfishy...
todays a good day.
: )
<3
kelli bang
oh yeah... dont speed down Fort Street. there are cops lined up state cops wyandotte cops.... u name it theyre waiting.
CLICK IT OR TICKET !!!
<3
kelkel
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| i wrote u a book.. but i didnt give it to you. |
[28 Aug 2004|12:37pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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depressed |
] |
| [ |
music |
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to me the only thing left after awhile was that night we had |
] |
i wanted to give u something.. but i held back. i think it was better because it holds a lot of meaning... well anyways.. since youll never talk to me again.. here's some of the things it said...
august, something.. 2004
i hate this pain i have in my chest. yeah you know the one... the pain that only lingers when youre away and i wont see you for days. my eyes, all out of tears.. and my nose aches from breathing you in so heavily. i'll get through these nights alone. i'll become strong. just dont forget about us. what little we did have. its not fair. it's not fair that i wasnt ready for you. you were probably right though... you'll be the best boyfriend ive ever had.
july, something.. 2004
i drove home this after noon and saw you on the side of the road your leaves were so green and your branches, long.. i drove by and you waved back. i drove a little further and you approached me once again. thing time you were white and your wings were short. you flew gracefully infront of the dark storm cloud. almost as if you were warning me to turn back. i watched you, until your body faded. my foot pressed down the accelerator and i raced into the cloud. sure enough you fell upon my window. drops of you were all around.... surrounding me... you fell as hard as you could. i let you bead on the window... eventhough i couldnt see not once did i turn the wipers on... never before have i felt so consumed. youre all around me... in everything i see.
july, something.. 2004
i wish i could give you the world
but it seems rather large
lets just make a new one
and some day its all yours
august, something.. 2004
i can only tell you so many times to come back.. but youve taken youre things... there all gone. i miss them. i miss them laying around... wait. am i dreaming?
july, something...2004
do you remember that time? the drive over was way too long. i couldnt wait to see you. as soon as i got there i rushed to the bathroom. so nervous so excited... we departed took on the road. accpeted the adventure.. the resturaunt the movie the talking the nervous stares.
the couch the time the kiss the stairs the kiss the goodbye. the hello.
the goodbye forever.
august, something.. 2004
i sit here in this cold room.. listening to elliot smith like i would if i were with you. but im not. alone i am and i have realized it. i like it. yet im sitting here in this closet. my room is a mess and i just want to close the doors. no one will find me if i shut them. lately ive seen you in my dreams youve been in and out so much these past couple of nights id rather be sleeping all day.. some nights i wake up in the middle of a dream and look around my room for you. under clothes in drawers behind my door. nothing. i leave my door open though until sunrise in hopes youll come in and close it behind you. my head on your chest... your smell in my nose. am i dreaming now? please tell my this will end.. please tell me that i dont have to go on without you.
august, something.. 2004
the hardwood steps creek loudly as i crawl up them. short of breath i can barley move. my chest and body hurt from running on empty.. for days i have been without food. i refuse everything positive until youre in my arms.
august, something.. 2004
i search my sheets... the smell of you stains my nose. will this be the last time i can smell you? is this the last fading scent of you?
on this pillow i wont let anyone touch. its still in the same spot you left it.
august, something..2004
i will never be able to kiss anyone else or touch them. i had a touch for you it was your touch. the thought of hugging another person kills me. i dont want to do it. i dont want to be physically close to anyone, and that scares me. ive never felt like this before. i feel so taken. i hate this. i hate you for not feeling the same. lets be reasonable though... that really dosnt make any sense.
AUGUST 28TH, 2004
so ive realized that i cant make another person feel in love with me. and i tried really hard to get you to. today i finally took your pictures out of the frames. i finally moved the things that reminded me of you to a safe place. i hope you dont throw away that box i made you for your birthday. i cant accept the end. i still get a sore throat and a salty taste in my mouth when i think about your lips and how you always played with your lip ring. god that killed me. or... you know what else... your smile. i could write every journal about your smile. i just really miss you and i know you know this stuff... all of this junk all of this horrible writing coming from my cold fingers and drowning keyboard..
i need to stop because it does nothing. just like dead air. there is hope in every word though... hope that i'll catch you again.
come on kelli, is that really possible? ask yourself??? once he's gone.. he's gone.
youre gone.
im done.
love
k.a.w
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haute___colours's journal
